hello.
this has got to be my 20th time i am here at starbucks ION after class. i was intending to continue writing my paper (that i have been struggling with for the past 2 weeks) but i thought it would be nice if i just added a quick update on how things are going.

i don't know what my readers are thinking, but reading my past few posts could give a clue that i am pretty whacked. and i guess i am. or rather i was. it is strange how a worst day is the best day that God shows Himself. arch, it is kinda annoying though, the journey. and i think i am like one of the most temperamental christians anyone can meet. i go into crazy downs and then surge up into highs and run mad like dogs then go cry like a monster… i don't know. that's life for 'drama melancholic shawn' i guess.

can't we all just cut to the chase and get an express ticket to finding out the meanings of everything? is it that necessary to go through all the mood swings, troubles, fights and struggles? when will be the day when i fin my perfection? in my psychology class, i learnt that having the right behavior is not everything, but also a good will and character. that takes process and the poop in our lives kinda nurtures that good sweetness in the fruit.

i was just talking to jean just yesterday and i churned out a saying that impressed myself. "content is the hardest thing to find, not happiness" and how true it is. i find that in my life i am always asking for more and seeing what i have less. how this is not good enough, how i need to be more of this and that. sure getting better is important… but sometimes perfectionist can get hard on themselves and when they find mistakes, you just wanna give up cause being all rounded and 'finished' is just unattainable. success is not the art of not making mistakes but the dance of not giving up. that's wise saying number two, mind you.

i am becoming to be like the science experiment of the class. in my class of aunties and ang mo uncles, i am (quite often) the disruptive one that keeps asking questions. i am sure nicktan will nod his head violently when he reads this. he always complains that i ask too many questions in our bible classes and hence resulting in a very long class. hahaha i don't know la! i just feel kinda annoyed sometimes that christians have became kinda self-absorbed and fearful? i don't know. i mean i love God, i love the church and i love the loud, always-on-high-drugs region qigebage but… sometimes we get too happy that God made us better that we think everyone is sick to the bone. ugh.

just the other day i was so pissed off with this student of mine in class. that i protested her beliefs in front of the class.

we are all humans aren't we? sure, i got to experience the reality of Christ, that is all because of God's grace on us. then why are we like crucifying every single person out there when we also were once monsters? hahaha we got into a violent debate after my protest and it was kinda fun. i am happy that i got some of my classmates to see a fraction of my point of view. they are really nice people. they treat me like their son. in fact, i am like EVERYONE's son at school hahahahaha

i can talk about this like really long. but i guess i won't because the truth is, i don't have answers. and i don't think any human on the world has all answers. good thing to take away? God is super nice and super smart. Thank God christianity is about Christ and not all about humans right. hahah all glory goes to Jesus amen!

wah my ice peppermint latte is really super good. God bless christmas starbucks drinks.